Weird Oldie In Office Talking To Younger Staff About Last Night’s VMAs

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“VMA? Is that an STI? OMG, that must be tough, I’m always getting kidney infections they’re a bitch, I can’t even imagine!” – the words of one recent new hire Aamiina Byrne to ancient 45-year-old Carol Chambers as she brought up the MTV Video Music Awards.

Trying to make it clear she’s not like all the other geriatric 40-somethings in the office, Chambers had intended to spent the day talking to younger staff on ‘their level’ by excitedly discussing something that ceased having relevance around the same time the MiniDisc did.

Mentioning the fact NSYNC reunited at the VMAs did not help Chambers’ cause as she now sounded as contemporary as an eye-witness to the Viking invasion of Ireland.

“Like from my POV Taylor Swift is like for 30 year olds trying to appear young whereas Olivia Rodrigo is young people’s real deal, Queen Vibe, the mood to end all moods, cringe Swifties are the last thing I’d want to see on my FYP, it’s the Olivia era but more broadly speaking it’s Megan Thee Stallion’s world and we’re just living in it,” explained the new hire to Chambers, which the senior account manager only understood 10% of.

Chambers’ attempts of trying to find common ground with younger colleagues has led to a review of office wide discussions.

“Just don’t,” confirmed expert Grainne Gourd, “we’re not cool anymore, that’s that. Acceptance is key. Let it go, don’t even judge the shit younger people are into – they’re going to be our carers when we’re in nursing homes 30 years from now. Oh there’s a trend called SpunkSplatt? Are they wearing thongs as headbands? Just smile and nod”.

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