New Poll Shows Under 35s Would Rather Put Genitals In Blender Than Vote For FF/FG

A NEW poll has revealed that Ireland’s cohort of voters aged under 35 would rather place their own genitals in blender and press the ‘eviscerate’ setting than consider voting for Fianna Fáil or Fine Gael in the next general election.

“I’m not saying I’d enjoy the sensation of my bollocks and mickey being pulsed into a smoothie but it won’t be worse than voting this shower in again that’s for sure,” confirmed one poll taker.

The poll which was published in today’s edition of Whispers Whispers News revealed that the make or model of the blender or how rusty the blades are isn’t important to voters in much the same way the far-fetched claims made by the current coalition partners about how their policies are delivering for young people has no baring on their decision.

“But why we’re so hip and approachable,” said a Fine Gael spokesperson over the sounds of hip new band Coldplay playing in the background.

“If we were any more in touch with today’s youth we’d be an Irish religious order,” added Fianna Fáil, who stood by their party’s positive policies which have seen Ireland become a pleasuredome for property speculators.

The same poll saw Sinn Féin emerge as the most popular party in the country for the 70th poll in a row, leading to a humbling and sobering moment for the coalition partners.

“Oh naive children, just ask your parents who you presumably still live with all about the dangers of a Sinn Féin government,” added the parties.