Enough With The Fucking Sourdough, Cafes Told

TIRED with being given sourdough as a standard type of bread-based accompaniment with their meals, Ireland’s cafe and restaurant customers have called on owners and chefs to give it a fucking rest already.

“It’s like the panini plague of the early noughties when it seemed there was no other type of bread left in Ireland at the time,” one regular cafe customer recalls, “if I want stale textured air bubbled bread I’ll ask for sourdough, but otherwise just give me the normal, good old fashioned sliced pan for now.

“No one wants an Irish breakfast with fecking sourdough – sure the egg yolk falls through the bloody holes, which is absolute madness”.

Noted as a bread for people with notions, sourdough weaseled its way into Irish food menus pre-Covid, before infesting every single cafe, restaurant and fine dining establishment in the country with its pretentious crust.

“What pisses me off is the bloody muck isn’t neither sour or doughy,” another normal bread enthusiast pointed out, “besides, it’s far from sourdough most Irish people are raised – it doesn’t even toast nice”.

Meanwhile, bakers have confirmed they’re currently deciding on the next big bread fad to flog to the nation.

“We’ve gone through baguette, pitta, panini, ciabatta, brioche; I think it’s time to give rye bread a whirl,” one local baker suggested, before being beaten to death.