Newcastle Invite Ferguson To Saudi Embassy After Scoring Hattrick


SHOWING there’s no hard feelings after Evan Ferguson took home the match ball after an impressive hattrick, Newcastle have offered the Brighton and Ireland forward to be a personal guest of Mohammed Bin Salman at the nearest and most convenient Saudi Embassy.

“It’s very impressive how Evan reduced the sportswashing plaything of the Saudi royal family to a Sunday league mess and the Crown Prince would like to rewatch the goals with Evan personally on the cool cinema screen in the embassy,” confirmed a spokesperson for Newcastle and Saudi Arabia’s public investment fund.

“You might have heard recently how Saudi Arabia has brutally gunned down and murdered refugees on the border they share with Yemen, but did you hear that the snack selection in the embassy is off the chain? Spice bag, Meanies, whatever Evan wants is on us,” added the spokesperson.

Elsewhere, Brighton have slapped a €1 billion price tag on Ferguson prompting Chelsea chief Todd Boehly to offer €5 billion for the striker which will be amortised on the books across a 400-year contract.

Meanwhile, Irish fans have once again confirmed ‘no pressure but you’re expected to drag us through every qualifying group in the next 16 years to World Cup and European Championship glory. Please please please please please help us win. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you more than I love my own kids.’