Local Woman Appointed New Girl’s ‘Work Mam’ Against Her Will


FIFTHY FOUR year old Carmel Carmody has slowly come to the realisation that new hire 25-year-old Suzie Higgins has attached herself like a barnacle to the secretary in a bid to have all her work done by someone else, namely Carmody.

“At first I thought she was just being nice, but after the 4,347th ‘sorry to bother you but quick Q for my Carmel boo’ I realise this work-shy little bitch can’t function by herself,” confirmed Carmody.

Admittedly, Carmody confessed to falling for the doe-eyed routine Higgins employed since starting work at Hanley Financial Services in a bid to lighten her workload and have everything done for her.

“Before I copped on, I was finishing some of her assignments, asking her boss to go easy on her because she’s a good egg, constantly covering for her. Fuck me, I already have two kids who can barely tie their shoelaces I don’t need a third,” offered Carmody, who has now downgraded Higgins from ‘I see a bit of myself in her’ to ‘right little madam’.

Carmody’s unwanted and unaccepted responsibilities now include reminding Higgins of all her looming deadlines, how to formulate emails, pointing out that 2 hours for lunch is excessive and providing tissues for all meltdowns.

For her part Higgins just needs to keep up the ‘OMG you’re such a life saver’ routine until she passes her probation period at which point she will plot a promotion to another department and never acknowledge Carmody again.