Oireachtas Committees Moved To Sold Out Croke Park For Tubridy Appearance

UPDATE: The Ticketmaster site has crashed. Angry customers have ransacked the little Ticketmaster hut in Stephen’s Green. There are no survivors.

You’d be forgiven for thinking these scenes had been caused by insane Taylor Swift fans but no, these are the actions of drama-hungry outrage junkies seeking to get their hands on front row seats at Ryan Tubridy’s public shaming before the Oireachtas committees on Tuesday alongside his agent, Noel Kelly.

A sold out Croke Park is now the venue for the most hotly anticipated event of the year and organisers haven’t ruled out ‘pulling a Garth’ and going for five nights in a row.

“The demand is there,” explained organisers, “tickets are already fetching €10,000 on the black market, one woman literally threw her child at me and said ‘here have him, now where’s my ticket’? I haven’t seen this sort of mania since Boyslife played the Red Cow Inn”.

Popcorn supplies remain worrying low ahead of proceedings and there are fears that TDs will be so excited at the prospect of getting on TV there is an outside chance they will sound completely unprepared and ramble on for minutes on end without actually asking a question – the answer to which they would have shouted over anyway.

Traffic issues surrounding Croke Park have already begun as flip flops sellers are now lining the streets looking to make a quick €5k while a number of RTÉ presenters have abandoned their free Renaults on the road.

UPDATE 2: The cost of staging the culture and public accounts committee hearings in Croke Park have ballooned to €40 million after someone left the people behind the Toy Show Musical in charge of organising things.