Look Back: How Your New Year’s Resolutions For 2023 Are Holding Up

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NOW IS AS good a time as any to check in on your new year’s resolutions you were very vocal about in December last year, especially when you had a few pints in you.

Let’s see if you kept your unrealistic promises to yourself and everyone else:

Reduce alcohol intake Reduce alcohol intake: the fact you’re seeing double should inform you as to how that one is going. the fact you’re seeing double should inform you as to how that one is going.

Duolingo: remains very much undownloaded from the app store, but you said ‘mare see bow cups’ a lot when you were in Paris that one weekend so fair play.

Getting fit: while your calorie intake is precisely the amount someone needs when trying to add significant muscle mass the missing persons poster of you remains hanging in the entrance of your gym.

To be better with money: aside from ordering €5,000 worth of flip flops you’re doing pretty good on this one. Plus, that wasn’t even your money that was taxpayer moola so don’t sweat it.

Be less negative about yourself: you failed that one too you good for nothing piece of shit. Why can’t you be more like your brother, he doesn’t beat himself up like you, you idiot.

Do more cultural stuff: 154 ‘yeah I’d be up for that, let me know’ WhatsApps to friends talking about going to gigs, museums and plays that you didn’t follow up on shows your heart was in the right place anyway.

Read more: does your ex’s new squeeze’s Instagram account count?

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