Government Considering Burning RTÉ Down For The Insurance Money

DESPITE apologising for belatedly finding two additional barter accounts down the back of the Late Late Show sofa the RTÉ executive board will find it difficult to convince the government it has a handle on things, leading the coalition to escalate plans beyond a simple root and branch review.

“Remember don’t buy the petrol in bulk, go to different petrol stations and shops, wear a baseball cap so the CCTV doesn’t see your face,” said Minister for Culture Catherine Ryan to the Taoiseach and Tánaiste as Operation was put into action.

Such is the lack of transparency, criminal wastage and dodgy financial practices in a group other than the coalition itself, the government has decided to cut its loses and secure an easy pay day by burning the broadcaster to the ground.

“Ring Lottie Ryan and see if she has a brand deal with Circle K, maybe we can get it cheap. Should we ring Sinn Féin? They probably have more experience with this sort of thing,” added Taoiseach Varadkar, as Eamon Ryan’s pleas to simply rewild the Montrose campus instead went ignored.

With the campus now ablaze estimates suggest as much as €500,000 worth of improvements have been made to the Fair City set.

UPDATE: The RTÉ board expressed their surprise at the fact writing a decades worth of accounts on the back of cigarette packet and spending as much as €2mn on the Toy Show musical hasn’t convinced the public the days of mismanagement are behind the broadcaster.