‘Cost-Rental’ A Peculiar Way To Describe Still Way Too Expensive

THE Land Development Agency has unveiled 22 new properties in Citywest, Dublin which come under the government’s ‘cost-rental’ scheme, meaning the properties will be rented at a 60% discount which given Dublin rent prices is still way beyond many working people.

“The ‘Still Way Too Expensive’ scheme is the cornerstone of renting affordability in Ireland,” confirmed one LDA spokesperson, using the schemes original name, “and if you think that’s impressive we aim to have a total of 95 of these bad boys in 16 months times”.

It is hoped the 22 houses can solve the problem of 4,700 tenants awaiting eviction from April 1st this year after the eviction ban is officially lifted.

“I’d disagree with the assertion that convoluted schemes which are open to right-handed non-HAP recipient couples earning no more than €53,000 net in wages shows what an irretrievable mess the government has made of housing,” added the LDA man in response to critics of simply trying to exist in Ireland.

In addition to the Dublin homes, cost-rental properties brought on stream by the LDA in Wicklow are available for €1,550 for a three-bed, prompting everyone to question whether the LDA are too embarrassed to admit they’ve no idea what the word ‘affordable’ means.

“Oh my God, cut us some slack. No matter what we do, it’s never enough,” responded a spokesperson for a coalition minister who fucked off to America for a week right after announcing the lifting of an eviction ban.

UPDATE: For the 43,698th time in recent memory, the government has again declined to directly build social housing on State land because that might help solve the issue and bring down houses prices but who wants that?