Support Group Formed For Irish People Who Can’t Bring Themselves To Vote For Any Of These Fools


GROWING IN number and despair, Irish voters who share one harrowing thing in common now have a space to meet and share their stories.

The FSITTBWCDSG (Feck Sake Is This The Best We Can Do Support Group) used to meet monthly but now offers nightly meetings in a secret location to help people in dire need of decent politicians.

“Here, no Fine Gael shit-shoveller can tell me ‘better the centerism you know’ and it’s not a hanging offence to say Sinn Féin do nothing for you,” explained group member, John.

“This is what we call the ‘acceptance’ room, new members aren’t allowed to leave here until they realise no new political party displaying high levels of talent, expertise, competency and integrity is going to sprout up out of nowhere and that this is the shower of options we’re left with,” said session leader and mentor, Anne.

Some attendees prove argumentative at first, unable to shake the hope that a positive change is just around the corner before slowly realising the futility of their position.

Here at FSITTBWCDSG, it’s a safe space to be your cynical and pessimistic self.

“I feel like I’m in abusive relationship, the government keeps telling me it’s changed, promises it won’t happen again, then doubles down on fucking me over. I see less gaslighting on Netflix’s You,” offered one participant in what is known as a ‘supportive rant circle’.

“This prick TD is all ‘anti-establishment’, ‘anti-cronyism’ but his daughter is his parliamentary assistant and he pays his wife’s company for ‘PR services’,” chimed someone else, clutching at their hair as they went slowly mad.

“They edit their online videos of their ‘clap backs’ in the Dáil but then cut off the video just before I can hear a response from the politician they’ve asked to answer them on an important issue. It’s as if they’re not interested in debate and just know social media algorithms thrive on anger,” sounded another, bemoaning the complete lack of substance to political debates.

Voters are more than familiar with the problems but have yet to met a party that offers them credible solutions.

“This crowd of chancers are giving out about expenses or declarations, despite the fact their own party have been at the same thing. There’s anti-bullying and domestic abuse advocates who failed to suspend members reported to the gardaí for abuse. The hypocrisy is never ending,” added a person, as the bell sounded signalling the group has reached their utterance of ‘hypocrites, the lot of them’ for the evening.