FOLLOWING news that TikTok is to build another energy hogging data centre in Ireland, the Government has published a list of towns that the national grid can sacrifice so that the Chinese-run multinational can freely process everyone’s data.
“At the current growth of data centres here we will need to allocate 30% of Ireland’s entire national grid to power these servers, which is enough to power every single residential home in Ireland – so sacrifices will have to be made,” Minister for the Environment and Green Party leader Eamon Ryan explained.
“We have shortlisted a number of towns across the country which we feel can do without electricity so that the Chinese government can store every click, location ping, finger scroll, facial gesture and eye movement you and your children make when using the app,” he added, “if the Amish communities in the US can do it, then so can you”.
“The towns we’ve earmarked for the energy sacrifices are Moat, Carrick-on-Suir, Clonmel, Athy, Portarlington, Drogheda, Callan, Castleblayney, Enniscorthy, New Ross, Tipperary Town, Bunclody, Longford – basically anywhere this government and its predecessors have ignored over the past few decades and left rot into a drug-infested social welfare dependent hell-hole laden with crime and poor mental health services”.
Mr Ryan suggested the news isn’t all bad for those living in these towns, suggesting that new career opportunities will be generated from the electricity embargoes.
“Just think of all the great jobs this will create, like candle makers, horse and cart builders,” he continued, without so much as a blink of an eye, “carbon emissions will be way down – it will be great for the local environment while we simultaneously clean up on fining these data centre companies for misusing everyone’s data”.