“Yup, Aliens” Confirms Biden

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DONE with keeping up the pretense any longer, US president Joe Biden has finally acknowledged the origin of the unidentified objects shot from the sky by the US military in the recent days.

“Big ‘ol aliens, yup. You can just called them ‘identified objects’ now,” a candid Biden told assembled media.

“You should see these guys. Ugly as sin and with smiles more terrifying than Donald Trump Jnr. Fuck it, the game’s up, I’m done playing – there’s no fooling you guys anymore,” added Biden, before pulling a white sheet off a concrete slab to reveal the remains of an alien body.

“Haha, look at its ding-a-ling, it’s like an octopus,” continued Biden playfully prodding at the corpse with a pencil.

“The big balloon bull-malarky was a pretty bad cover up, I’ll admit that now,” said Biden, who confirmed that the alien crafts contained a number of families who were on their holidays travelling through the galaxy from their home planet of Pzorzin 8.

The US military asked the world to ignore and refrain from responding to missing posters erected on the edge of the earth’s atmosphere by the alien race, which is said to be searching for their murdered brethren.

“We don’t want to antagonise them or have them retaliate to this innocent loss of alien life,” said General Mark Milley, “so if you could all keep pretending like the world thinks China is trying to take pictures of you on the toilet, that’d be swell”.

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