Headline Starts With ‘Former GAA Star’ So You Know It’s Going To Be Good

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FEW THINGS in life are guaranteed but when it comes to juicy local gossip, there is nothing more certain than the fact a headline starting with ‘Former GAA Star’ will contain oodles of salacious scandal that can keep a WhatsApp group going for weeks.

“I breathe this shit like oxygen,” confirmed one gossip, freely speculating on the identities of ‘GAA Star’ in a variety of different news reports, ranging in subjects from ‘fraud’ to ‘fondling chickens’.

“What I like about headlines beginning with ‘Former GAA Star’ is you just don’t know where it’s gonna go,” confirmed another gossip, who lives off this sort of content.

“It could be fraud, joining ISIS, having a secret second mickey, illegal rhino horn trade, or they’re a Chinese spy balloon, honestly the options are limitless,” they added, devouring today’s batch of ‘GAA Star’ related scandals which mean one community is missing its pillar.

Opinions differ on whether the GAA star in question should be from a gossip merchant’s county or from a neighbouring one held in contempt.

“If they’re from my neck of the woods then BRILLIANT! I get to walk around town trying to catch a glimpse of them or better yet their relatives who wear the shame on their faces, I love that,” confirmed one person.

“Nah, for me getting to call the next town over or the next door county a bunch of inbred scum you wouldn’t trust to mind a gate is what it’s all about,” confessed another.

UPDATE: Sadly the most recent ‘Former GAA Star’ headline involved a player being in a road traffic accident which is no subject to gossip about.

UPDATE: We heard the player was fond of the drink so we can’t rule out drink driving, shameful stuff.

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