US President Joe Biden has ruled out sending F-16 war planes to Ukraine to help them combat invading Russian forces, but has agreed to any or all of the following measures:
Allowing Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to have a loan of his DVD copy of Top Gun Maverick, the smash hit action movie from last year.
“Top Gun Maverick is basically a recruitment film for the US military, and Tom Cruise worked on making everything as realistic as possible. So any prospective fighter pilots could learn a lot by watching it, and there’s a ‘making of’ there as well that gives you a good look at some planes,” Biden stated, adding that all Zelenskyy was missing now were a few planes.
Biden also floated the idea of sending free copies of Microsoft flight simulator for PC, Ace Combat for the PS1, and even After Burner for the Mega Drive if Zelenskyy couldn’t get his hands on a newer console.
“Our boys mostly fly drones these days so wiping people out is really not much different than a videogame to them. Hopefully this will give your guys the practice they need!” the president chimed.
Zelenskyy can have ‘as much Airfix as he likes’ according to a document from Washington, which goes on to say that giving actual planes might escalate the war to a stage where everything gets much more expensive, having detailed toy models of planes was harmless enough and if thrown high enough in the air might confuse Russian radar, maybe? It’s worth a try.
Meanwhile, White House sources have leaked that while previous president Donald Trump spent a lot of his day texting women to ‘send nudes’, President Biden spends most of his day receiving texts saying ‘send nukes’.