Referendum: What Is A ‘Durable Relationship’?

IN anticipation of the upcoming pair of referendums a steady stream of misinformation has been flowing out of the usual online cesspits; official statements by the coalition government and Twitter.

At the core of this misinformation are questions about the term ‘durable relationships’. The family amendment would extend the definition of ‘the family’ beyond those relationships based on marriage, acknowledging the wide range of families in Ireland today that are not based on marriage.

WWN, ever a font of factual information for its readers, answers your ‘durable relationship’ questions:

“Does a ‘situationship’ count as a durable relationship?” – Eabha, Galway.

No Eabha, you need to forget about Cillian, he’s a fuck boy, it was a one time thing at Rag Week and you need to move on.

“I heard my cow can lay claim to having been in a durable relationship with me, and contest my will upon my death and inherit the family farm?” – John, Laois.

This is entirely true, and a judge in court will take one look at the evidence and hand over the farm to Nessie the cow.

“The government can’t make me get married to a condom, can it?” – Maureen, Dublin.

No Maureen, you’re thinking of a ‘durex marriage’ and yes, sadly, the government can force you to get married to a 6-pack of flavoured ‘ribbed for her pleasure’ condoms.

“I gave directions to a lovely American couple, are we now in a durable relationship?” – Sean, Louth.

That all depends on whether you were also riding them at the time.

“I’m a bit confused, I really enjoy being enraged but am struggling to find anything objectionable here with the wording. Can you help me?” – David, Cork.

Well David if you really insist, you could decide the words ‘durable relationship’ means ‘gay families’ and if you’re so inclined, you could channel some homophobic hate and cry online about how this is the end of civilisation as we know it. If you’re struggling to figure out how to do that just copy and paste some old tweets from the marriage equality and 8th amendment referendums.