Here’s How The GAA Plan On Preventing Kilmacud Crokes From Getting Extra Players On The Pitch For The Replay


WITH THE announcement that the All Ireland Club Football final will have to be replayed due to the fact Kilmacud Crokes had 16 men on the pitch at one point in the game, the GAA have outlined the considerable steps they are taking to ensure there isn’t a repeat of the events in the original final which has so scandalised the sport.

Speaking earlier after the announcement of the replay, the GAA confirmed the following:

Flying in scientists from CERN to count players.

A 12 foot high electrified fence will be erected around the pitch in Croke Park. In addition to this the moat and drawbridge will ensure players will only leave and join the field of play when they are permitted.

The Crokes management team will have to sit a Junior Cert foundation level maths exam before the game is replayed.

Leaving no stone unturned substitutes will also be placed in a modified sheep-shearing cage which will contain and prevent the player from entering the field of play until official can be 100% sure the player being taken off has exited the field.

The referee will stop the game every 60 seconds for a head count.

Umpire will be replaced by guide dogs.

Substitutes will be fitted with dye packs, the kind banks use in the case of robbery. The dye packs will go off once the substitute enters the field of play making their presence more obvious to the referee.

There will be a guaranteed zero Crokes players on the pitch if they refuse to play.

As a general courtesy the GAA has offered to wipe the players’ memories of the last couple of weeks which included trophy-lifting, piss up, trophy parade and being fought over by women in the club house.

No such plans exist in relation to untwisting the knickers of Glen supporters.