“Don’t! Don’t Say It’s Because Of Brexit” Says Only Major Economy Set To Shrink In 2023

A WEARY and tired United Kingdom has pleaded with other nations to ‘just not’ when it comes to saying “Brexit” in the wake of an IMF report which suggests the UK is on course to be the only major economy in 2023 to shrink in size.

“Shut it. Shut it. Don’t. Please, we’re begging you. We know, we fucking know but please this once, could you not? Not the B-word, anything but the B-word” pleaded the UK.

“Well look at the positives, in a few years we might not qualify as a major economy anymore so we won’t even be on these IMF lists,” sighed one resident of the UK.

“Actually blaming Brexit is bollocks, I actually voted for the UK economy to be out performed by Russia which is in the middle of an invasion and subject to crippling sanctions, so there,” said another, not willing to admit reality.

Chancellor of Exchequer Jeremy Hunt completely disagreed with the IMF’s forecast but reserved the right to use it as justification for impending cuts and austerity.

Hunt was not alone as a number of other Tory politicians have dismissed the idea that the economy is shrinking.

“Balderdash, complete hogwash. Shrinking? Not according to my own bank balance anyway, wahey!” confirmed former prime minister and current disgrace Boris Johnson.

Elsewhere, news that Ireland’s economy grew by 12.2% last year has come as a complete surprise to local man John Loughlin, who remains ‘fairly fucking broke’.