Things So Bad For England These Days They’re Losing To Ireland In Cricket


THE EVER accelerating demise of England has reached the point where its cricket team is now losing to Ireland at the T20 World Cup in humiliating fashion.

Held hostage by arsonists hell bent on burning the country to the ground in the form of the Tory party, political turmoil is one thing but losing a high profile game of the most English thing ever to a bunch of Paddies is something no English person could recover from.

“An economy thrashed by the ongoing effects of Brexit I can take but the Irish have they’re own bloody stick game and it’s so shit no one else bothers playing it, how could we lose to them? We might as well had the Lettuce prime minister batting for us,” sobbed one die hard English cricket fan.

“What next, the French besting us at hooliganism? The Spanish striking a deal to send asylum seekers to Rwanda in greater numbers? The Paddies beating us at shagging cricket of all things! This is the four horsemen of the apocalypse crashing through your front door at the same time,” a disconsolate Englishman said.

In an impressive performance the men in green where all out for 157 in 19.2 overs, a term English people understand but Irish people have to look up because they’re not a cricketing stronghold despite spanking England on this occasion.

“Cricket? No, it’s my first time playing, the lads just asked me along as they were a man short. It’s alright I suppose,” confirmed one Irish batsman adding insult to injury.

Elsewhere, the number of Irish people maintaining that they have been longstanding cricket fans has reached 5 million.