Things Russell Crowe Can Do In Dalkey To Endear Himself To The Irish

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HOLLYWOOD megastar Russell Crowe is rumoured to be staying in the same Dalkey house where Matt Damon famously spent his lockdown sojourn as the Australian films a new movie.

If Crowe is looking to become public legend number one with the Irish people, there’s a few things he can do to win over the famously hard to please and weary Irish public.

Just be pictured in Ireland

Doesn’t have to be a selfie. If anyone spots you out and about that’s basically it; you’ve won everyone over Russell.

Sure, carrying a bag for life emblazoned with a local supermarket logo on it couldn’t hurt but we’ve set the bar ridiculously low in recent years we’re just sorry if our obscenely large Irish heads and poor breeding has ruined your view of the Dalkey scenery.

Anything else?

No, as we said the bar used to be a lot higher. For example, in years gone by the minimum effort required used to be posing with a pint of Guinness while disguising the fact you think it tastes like watered down misery.

There was a time too when we wouldn’t settle for anything less than a famous person marveling at the beauty of the Cliffs of Moher, rescuing a kidnapped Michael D. Higgins from an anarchist terror cell or swimming out to rescue Funghi after he became trapped in a fishing trawler net but for some reason we as a people still struggle to accept the fact famous people often visit Ireland for work and/or pleasure.

We’ll stop you there Russell

Don’t say another word, we as a nation have all been moved by how you’ve taken all of Ireland to your heart, how you’ve said the Irish are the nicest and kindness people who also have a zero bullshit tolerance. Oh, you didn’t say any of that and we’ve gone on some sort of celebrity fueled acid trip in which we’ve imagined you having an arm wrestling match with Kellie Harrington in Kitty Kiernan’s pub while showering us in compliments to sooth our fragile egos?

Honestly for a second there we really convinced ourselves you’d done your Gladiator speech as Gaeilge on the Late Late via live link while on a rollercoaster in Tayto Park.

Ah, okay, well too late now anyway some gombeen councillor has already successfully petitioned to rename Dalkey ‘Crowe’.

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