G7 Piss-Up To Be Low-Key This Year

A SPECIAL one-day summit of NATO, G7 and EU leaders is taking part in Brussels, with leaders from all states meeting to discuss the ongoing war in Ukraine while ‘keeping it quiet on the partying side of things’, WWN can confirm.

The schedule involves a NATO meeting in the morning followed by an afternoon G7 get-together, culminating in an EU leaders meeting and ‘that’s that, straight home after’, according to organisers.

“Lads if we do this right, we can have a right piss-up at the actual G7 summit in the summer, but for now we just need to crack into this Russia business and get it off our plates,” said US President Joe Biden, who flew over from America to attend after failing several times to get his damn internet connection working.

“I’m as fond of a mint julep as the next man, but we’d probably best get cracking on sorting out something for Zelensky and his people because folks, it’s kind of a bad look for us all for this thing to be rolling on like this. We could go on the lash when it was Middle Eastern countries getting bombed, but this shit just doesn’t play well in the approval ratings for any of us”.

Meanwhile, Zelensky has been muted on the livefeed of the meeting for an hour so the leaders can come up with the best way of saying ‘good job kid but you’re on your own’ to him.