Diesel Suckers Concerned By Impact Of Rising Fuel Costs


FUEL SIPHONERS across the country have come out in protest over the declining levels of fuel left in vehicles lately, stating that it’s not even worth their time stealing petroleum-based products anymore.

Protesting outside Leinster House today, dozens of self-confessed fuel thieves called on the government to reduce VAT excise on all diesel and petrol in a bid to return to the status quo.

“Ya get up in the wee hours of the morning, dust off yer best petrol cans and for what?” posed Monaghan based fuel thief Derek Langly, “for years we’ve been sucking diesel and now it’s all gone tits up without a bra”.

Such is the decline in fuel, many siphoners have resorted to stealing battery power from electric cars.

“You’ve got to adapt with the times,” insisted Dublin man Damo Hannigan, who made the switch to stealing electric current from charging cars over six months ago, “it’s more dangerous an’ all, but at least you’re not left with a mouth full of bleedin’ petrol”.

Rural crime gangs have also called on the government to act, as farmers struggle to fill their Agri fuel tanks for tractors and other machinery.

“The poor farmers can’t even afford to fill their tanks for us to steal,” pointed out serial burglar and fuel thief Jimmy Doherty, “if it keeps up like this we’ll have to actually start looking for a job”.