Putin Set To Plough Through Entire Geneva Convention By End Of Day


INTENT ON playing ‘war crimes bingo’ Vladimir Putin is on course to contravene every element of the Geneva Convention by the end of the day and set a Guinness World Record in the process.

“No one’s ever ‘completed war crimes’ in such a short space of time,” confirmed one war expert, “he’s like a man on a vile, horrific and evil mission”.

Fresh from announcing the facilitating of ‘humanitarian corridors’ only to be begin shooting and shelling civilians the second they attempt to actually use them, those close Putin suggest he is looking for ‘bonus points’ for the absurd act of saying he is ‘de-nazifying’ Ukraine while simultaneously bombing a Holocaust memorial.

“It’s not like he ever adhered to the Geneva Conventions in the first place and in fact he pulled Russia out of Protocol I in 2019 which covers protection of victims of armed conflicts in which peoples are fighting against colonial domination, alien occupation or racist regimes,” confirmed one expert, who was now starting to see why Putin did that.

“He’s already failed to humanely treat people fleeing, who are taking no active part in hostilities, then there’s the whole ‘not distinguishing between civilian and military targets’ which is very war crimey. It’s like he’s ticking off a war crimes shopping list,” added another expert.

It is understood Putin will be disappointed his prize for ploughing through the Geneva Convention like a Ukrainian tractor pulling surrendered Russian military hardware will not involve champagne, confetti or freedom from consequences.

Elsewhere, Russian soldiers instructed to kill civilians are beginning to suspect that they might be the bad guys.