‘Why Work From Home When You Can Live At Work?’: New Google Campus Details Revealed
TECH giant Google has secured planning permission for a 1,700-capacity campus in Dublin’s Grand Canal Dock where workers can finally achieve their childhood dreams of eating, sleeping, living and working in the workplace.
Touted as having all the benefits of working from home but without any of the pesky hassle of having to separate the two, the campus will include:
– A complete and total climate controlled environment, so that each of the 1,700 enclosed individuals can feel exactly as cosy as Google deems appropriate. You don’t have to worry about cracking open a window, you won’t have one!
– Special ‘transport pods’ where workers can enjoy a VR commute each morning, to replicate the bus or train to work for anyone who is struggling to adapt to living in the actual office and needs to feel some degree of separation between the two.
– Who likes free sweets? The entire campus will have constant supply of free baked goods and nibbles, to ensure that any time a worker feels like perhaps this isn’t the way a life should be lived, they can be reminded ‘hey, you’re getting food for free aren’t you?’ There’s no free food where I work. No god damn ping pong tables either. Be happy!
– It’s the most complete Google experience ever, while most Google users have to make do with the company only knowing their name, address, date of birth, exact movements at all time and sexual preferences, inmates at the new Google campus can relax knowing that their whereabouts at all times is logged and monitored, down to the amount of water they use when they flush the toilet for the fourth time in three hours, which is up a bit from the previous three hours, are you feeling ok? Please let your supervisor know if health issues will affect your output today. Oh, and did we say ‘inmates’ back up there? We meant valued Google employees.
– The campus is situated right in the heart of Dublin, not that you’ll ever want to go out and explore much. Why would you? You’ve got everything you need right here in Google Falls. Besides, there’s nothing else to see in Dublin except four or five more campuses like this one, and wall-to-wall hotels.
Furthermore, employees can sleep soundly knowing that the building they’re in has provided much needed employment to three or four of Ireland’s richest property developers.