“When I Grow Up I Want To Own A Home” Now More Outlandish Than ‘Astronaut’, ‘Superhero’


SCHOOLCHILDREN are raising the eyebrows of teachers who struggle to contain their laughter as they confess to wanting to become a homeowner when they grow up, WWN can reveal.

“Now now Jack, what about something a little more… realistic like being Spiderman, Beyoncé or the first person to land on Mars?” senior infants teacher Maura O’Farrell said, speaking from a wealth of rental experience.

“You’ve no choice but to say ‘aww’ and let them hold onto that deluded fantastical dream,” shared one third level lecturer who regularly hears his students profess wildly unattainable desires like home ownership, decent pension and not paying €2k in rent until they die.

“It’s like when kids used to say they’d want to go on the X-Factor, you’d remind them it’s very rare to get on. On the one hand you don’t want to dull their imagination but on the other hand you don’t want them to be a completely deluded space cadet, untethered from reality,” offered one parent, who can’t in good conscience encourage the pipe dream of owning a home.

Other more realistic options are being considered by some of the youth of today.

“I want to grow up to be one of those people on the TV that get interviewed and say ‘everything is fine’, and when someone who has three masters degrees, one PHD and a salary of €90k says they still can’t afford a home I tell them it’s all their own stupid fault and we should all die for the economy,” shared resident class prick, John (8).