How To Prematurely Leak Possible Restrictions To Media & Cause Mass Hysteria, A Government Guide

MAKE SURE the batteries in your megaphones are working.

Now place the information-leaking end of the megaphone onto the ear of the nearest RTÉ, Irish Times, Virgin Media, Irish Daily Mail, Irish Independent journalist and let rip.

Is this technically illegal? Leaking information like this? Remember to look that up, see if it’s legally wrong. You already know it’s morally wrong.

Be completely disconnected from the fact that such actions will cause worry, frustration, anger and uncertainty for those who have sacrificed and suffered personal set backs during the previous 21 months.

In fact, you kind of enjoy this element of it so just sit back and savour the reaction.

Maybe mute the responses you see on social media of people listing how it took you and your advisers 21 months to admit Covid spreads in schools, and that ventilation may play a factor in an airborne disease.

Next, express mild shock at how such leaks completely erode the solidarity the public has shown with one another to collectively adhere to previous public health measures.

Be at a complete loss as to why the public aren’t talking about how a new variant is 70 times more transmissible than previous ones, and what this could mean for the ability to treat patients in a health service if there is exponential growth.

Refuse to take credit for undermining the collective effort against Covid.

Look around for the nearest non-decision making, recommendations-only-in-an-advisory-capacity team and blame them.

Whip up enough hysteria that you can get the coalition a little ‘win’ when the government doesn’t adopt the full measures outlined in the leak.

Completely refuse to take any ownership of the decision if and when negative impacts are felt. Remind the public how opposed they were to such things at the time you leaked the information.

Don’t do-a-Tory and take photos if attending any shindigs over Christmas which may be against current guidelines.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Are you not a government minister or TD? Are you a member of the public? A bit irritated by all this? Have you tried screaming into the nearest pillow? It’s free AND it’s fun.