A COMMITTEE convened by 20 county panels from around the country aimed at tackling the unfair advantages seemingly afforded to the Dublin senior football team has outlined a list of possible suggestions including reducing the number of Dublin players on the pitch, and an ‘every point is a goal’ effect that kicks in if the blues soar too far ahead.
With no will to reduce the level of funding that the Dubs receive and no budget to bring the funds distributed to other counties up to that level, the proposals on the table now stand at:
- Dublin will field only ten players per match – less if drawn against Mayo.
- Key Dublin players known for their accuracy will be forced to wear blindfolds for the majority of the match.
- Similarly, a small pebble must be worn in the boot on the dominant foot of all Dublin players. Not a big rock; just big enough to know it’s there.
- During half time while the opposition is resting, Dublin players must complete laps of the pitch and 100 press-ups each.
- All Dublin players must go on the absolute lash before every game, to ensure maximum hangovers during play.
- None of this ‘hand passing the ball’ shit. If a player receives the ball, he must complete the run on goal himself.
- No bouncing either. Only solo runs.
- If Dublin succeed in winning another All-Ireland, they can only collect the Sam Maguire trophy if they answer these riddles three…
- Any promising under-10 players emerging from Dublin training camps in the next two years will be taken from their homes and distributed evenly around the nation.