WEEKS of uncertainty and a potential ‘landslide’ of case numbers, hospitalisations and deaths could all ‘simply disappear’ if Dublin were to be granted victory in the 2020 GAA Senior football championship, the nation has been informed. A spokesperson for the Dublin senior team has said they’re perfectly happy to invite county after county to the… Read more »
THE EDITORIAL staff at Time Out magazine have offered their apologies for an ‘admittedly cruel prank that got out of hand’ which resulted in the Dublin suburb of Phibsborough being duped into thinking it legitimately placed 27 in the magazine’s list of coolest nieghbourhoods in the world. “Look, don’t get us wrong it’s a perfectly… Read more »
CONSTRUCTION workers carting away the last of the rubble from the recently-demolished ‘O’Rahilly House’ in Ballsbridge have unearthed a poignant last note seemingly written by the house itself as it slowly fell apart under sustained bulldozerage. The house, which had been home to 1916 Rising leader Michael ‘The O’Rahilly’ O’Rahilly, had been awaiting a protection… Read more »
WITH Dublin becoming the latest city to formally cancel its New Year’s Eve celebrations, a rare silver lining of 2020 has emerged for people who intensely dislike the most overrated evening of the year. While the cancellation is seen by many as an obvious and sensible choice, others are simply happy they can scratch the… Read more »
“I ONLY fucking stole that bike yesterday!” Staring in disbelief at where the bike, which he had only liberated from a lock wrapped around a lamppost yesterday should be, veteran thief Stevie Nicks has had his last ounce of hope ground out of him by ‘this bastarding, Godforsaken city’. “Dublin man, this fucking place… I’m… Read more »
ONCE the fervent and incandescent rage which courses through the body upon watching footage from a party at a Dublin flat complex subsides, WWN can reveal the vast majority of people concede that it looked like a quality session in fairness, if the discarded nitrous oxide canisters are anything to go by. With ‘Dublin Flats’… Read more »
PAWING desperately at the lock on the closed gates at the edge of the Dublin/Kildare border, one fleeing culchie has been pleading with her fellow non-Dublin natives not to leave her behind and forsake her as Dublin enters new restrictions. Racing out of Dublin City centre earlier today, in a scene reminiscent of a zombie… Read more »
AHEAD of the imminent announcement that Dublin is to be placed at a ‘Level 3.5b/figure it out yourself, minus the square root of face mask’, authorities have strategically placed nightclub bouncers along the county’s border. “Not tonight pal,” groused one of hundreds of bouncers all named Mick, to a desperate Dubliner trying to gain entry… Read more »
FEARING a second wave thanks to a rise in new covid-19 cases in its capital city, the rest of the Irish nation looked on in concerned horror today at Dublin, sparking a string of well meaning messages wishing their big smoke brothers and sisters well. “Bahahahahahahahahaha,” read one of at least ten thousand supportive tweets… Read more »
THE government today outlined the latest details of its roadmap for dealing with Covid-19 having ditched the earlier 5-phase journey from earlier in the year in favour of a 118-point plan that it is ‘kinda getting sick of having to explain to you plebs’. “Look, it’s all there in article 14, sub-paragraph 10; pubs in… Read more »