Tory Party Soar Ahead In Polls After Damning Evidence Exposes Johnson

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FORMER ministerial aide Dominic Cummings has read out a litany of shocking revelations about his time at number 10, resulting in an unprecedented surge in popularity for both the Conservative government and PM Boris Johnson, wait hang on, that can’t be right, let us go again.

Giving evidence to the Commons Health and Social Care and Science and Technology Committees about Johnson’s approach to the Covid-19 pandemic, Cummings outlined a culture of chaos where government failure after government failure lead to thousands of needless deaths in Britain, leading many people we spoke to on the street to express their confidence and gratitude to the PM for a job well done, somehow.

“Well, it were probably Corbyn’s fault, wasn’t it?” said one man we interviewed, after reading direct transcripts from Cummings’ evidence showing Johnson and his government considered Covid ‘chicken pox parties’ to build herd immunity.

“Johnson has never put us wrong, but this Cummings lad? He’s the chap with the eye test and the driving and all that? Now him, I don’t trust. Probably making it all up, he is”.

After failing to find a single Briton on the street who would speak ill of the governing party, WWN attempted an experiment to see if the nation was in fact ghoulishly committed to the path that the Conservatives had them on.

“Too many dogs in the country to begin with if you ask me” said one woman, after we told her Boris Johnson eats three puppies a day.

“Well they’ve got another hand, don’t they? What’s the problem?” stated another, upon hearing our story that Johnson had ordered the left hand of all schoolkids under the age of nine to be chopped off.

“I’m old, I’ve had a good run” said a 55-year-old man after we told him that he would be murdered by a Conservative MP while he slept tonight.

Stay with WWN for more of this baffling behaviour.

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