San Andreas Fault Line Wondering If Now Is A Bad Time


THE long-awaited ‘big one’ due to hit California in the near future has been asked if it could just give it another hundred years or so, due to humanity badly needing a little time between big natural disasters.

“It would be downright tasteless to hit San Francisco with a 9’er on the Richter scale, after the last year” said one East Coast man we spoke to.

“Positively gauche. Come on, you’ve waited a thousand years to do anything big, wouldn’t you just hold off for another few decades? What difference does it make?”.

The outcry has spurned the San Andreas fault line, which originally had big plans for the west coast of the USA this coming summer, to agree not to ‘go all Hollywood’ after agreeing that Earth has enough to deal with at the minute – although experts are suggesting that there may be a more vanity-based explanation for the change of heart.

“Nobody wants to share their birthday, do they?” said Professor Ian Allenberg, chief disasterologist at the California Institute For Holy Shit.

“The San Andreas fault, Yellowstone, the impending earthquake-tsunami double bill that’s brewing in Chile, that big bastard of a solar flare that’s heading across our galaxy at the moment incinerating everything in it’s path – they all want a clear shot at our headlines, so they’re waiting for the ideal lull before leaping out”.

Meanwhile, an alien armada resting on the outskirts ot the Milky Way has announced that it too will call off its plans to launch a full-scale invasion of Earth until at least 2075, as apparently it’s ‘easier to conquer 2 billion people than it is to conquer 7.6 billion, which doesn’t really sound great when you pull at it.