Man’s Entire List Of Failures Traced Back To Stepping On Pavement Crack

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“WELL now, a guy I talked to who says he knew you back in secondary school says that on the 18th of August, 2004, you purposefully and, as he recalls it, boastfully walked on a crack in the pavement to show that avoiding them was just, and these are his words, ‘bullshit'” said the private investigator hired by Waterford man Ger O’Nalley to track down the root cause of why his life was so shit.

“Well, from what I can learn from the people who would talk to me, that’s about when it all started going wrong for you, right there”.

O’Nalley, 32, endurer of a seemingly never-ending stream of hardships, tried to process the information that a simple act of youthful arrogance had ruined his life, and to see where he could go from here.

“We need urgent superstition education in our schools, to make sure this doesn’t happen again” said O’Nalley, who has also walked under, in his words, ‘fucking loads of ladders’ in his lifetime.

“How is it that the government are just allowing people to be out here walking on pavement cracks, while black cats walk unhindered across the paths of people with impunity. There’s no warning about these things, except vague warnings from friends and family to not do X or avoid Y. We need swift regulations and a raft of measures to ensure that a life of misfortune such as the one I suffered does not happen to anyone else”.

O’Nalley has consoled himself with the €4mn payout from Waterford Council, who have admitted liability for the crack-ridden pavement that ruined his life.

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