Nation Buys Michael O’Leary One-Way Ticket To Fuckoffistan

GROWING increasingly tired of his ‘won’t somebody think of my profits’ pleas, a generous nation has had a whip round for Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary and purchased him one non-refundable one-way ticket to Fuckoffistan, a little known island not far off the coast of the former republic of Youcangoandshite.

With international travel the root cause of increased transmission and the introduction of new Covid variants into Ireland, patience has worn thin for O’Leary’s ‘I know how to fly people to 30km outside European cities therefore I’m the world’s foremost immunologist, virologist and aerosol transmissions expert’ rants.

Fuckoffistan, the remote island popular with whingebags, seems the ideal holiday destination for O’Leary and comes with a mandatory quarantine period of ‘you can come back when you’ve copped yourself on’ where licking door handles is encouraged.

No different to flying Ryanair, O’Leary will be placed in a seat with less leg room than a giant stuffed into a high chair, have his luggage misplaced and rounded off with triumphant ‘we’ve landed’ trumpets plugged directly into his ears for the duration of the 8 hour flight.

Other contrary insufferables looking to avail of a similar offer are asked to keep a close eye on TV and radio for special ‘Go and Shite’ airline promotion ads.

However, this latest episode has not paved the way for Ryanair to change its ways, with rumours it will now introduce a ‘not flying with Ryanair’ charge of €50 for all non-customers.