Society Feeling Pretty Stupid For Blaming Church And State


A SHEEPISH Irish nation woke with the unrelenting feeling of existential dread this morning after realising it, and not the Church and State, played the leading role in the decades of abuse, slavery and neglect of thousands of mother and babies, as detailed by a recent state commissioned report.

Previously pinning the vast majority of blame on Church and State, thousands of citizens took to social media and the airwaves to apologise to both institutions for wrongly accusing them of continued malpractice, begging for their forgiveness.

“What are we like at all? And here was me blaming the religious orders for committing horrifying acts against these women and children,” said one grovelling member of the public, reading the report labeled a ‘whitewash’ by some victims and advocates.

“We feel really stupid right now for all of this,” a spokesman for Irish society said earlier today after realising the cock-up, made clearer by the Taoiseach’s words emphasising society’s roll above all else. “We’re sorry for not bothering to keep records on deceased children, and ‘forgetting’ where we buried them, we’re sorry for local authorities receiving reports about sky high infant mortality rates and doing nothing about it.

“Sorry for the nuns that forged mother’s signatures consenting to adoption, members of religious orders that cut women during labour and refused them any anaesthetic and we’re really sorry for sitting politicians who were in government and members of councils while these homes were still open and operating”.

Replying to the apologies, a Vatican spokesperson accepted the nation’s plea for forgiveness, stating “obviously it wasn’t our fault we came to a third world country like Ireland, brainwashed its population through education and made its citizens do absolutely anything we told them to, with the sole aim of receiving tax-free donations down the line. Everyone knows this is how we roll and still continue to do so in impoverished countries. We forgive you all”.