“Leaker Of Report Will Be Held To Account” Says Leaker Who Was Not Held To Account

AS THE survivors of the mother and baby homes digest the immense cruelty meted out by the person who leaked parts of the mother and baby homes report to the media, a member of government well known for leaking confidential documents and receiving no punishment has assured survivors whoever leaked the report would definitely be punished.

“At such a harrowing and deeply traumatic time for survivors, it must be nice to hear such a cast iron guarantee,” one commentator said of Tánaiste Leo Varadkar’s comments that he supports an investigation into the incident.

Varadkar, known for possessing more leaks than a sieve, was echoing calls from Minister for Children Roderic O’Gorman who said he was “deeply angered” by the fact he let the report leak on his watch.

“This is Ireland, and while there was and still remains absolutely no accountability for the religious orders that carried out these human rights abuses, and yes, the Irish state stonewalled your fight for justice, rest assured we can definitely be trusted to investigate who leaked details of the report to the papers,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Department of Zero Accountability.

The Department was previously responsible for pretending to get to the bottom of councillors claiming full travel expenses for online meetings and €14 million being spent on ventilators that don’t work, among other things.

Elsewhere, the Taoiseach is expected to spend the rest of the day hallowing out his apology on behalf of the Irish state to survivors before the government plows ahead with plans to introduce legislation that will ban a full inquest into the deaths of 9000 children in Mother and Baby homes.

“See, you can trust us on accountability!”