Relief For Local Woman Who Hadn’t Treated Waitress Like Shit In Months

THE re-opening of gastropubs and restaurants hasn’t come a moment too soon for one Waterford woman, who can’t wait to head to her favourite eatery tonight to order a big feed for herself so that she can send it back to the kitchen for some perceived discrepancy and spend the next two weeks calling for a boycott of the place on Facebook.

“I feel sorry for the staff in the place who have been out of work since level 5 kicked into action in October, but I’m still going to talk down to them as if they’re the worst people in the world tonight if there’s so much as an onion ring out of place” said Erica Malone, known locally as ‘Headwrecker Malone’.

“I’ve had nobody to give out to for months, except the people who work in the local garage and they just don’t seem to care when you criticise them for not having milk in the coffee machine. And complaining about the speed of my WiFi to what is clearly an automated service online just isn’t the same as putting down a young girl midway through a 10 hour shift”.

With Covid numbers still volatile, Malone knows that a third level 5 lockdown could hit at any moment, and as such is ready to ‘get it all out’ in case she doesn’t get the opportunity again.

“I can’t go back to just yelling at takeaway drivers, I just can’t” sobbed the 39-year-old, pouring her heart out on Facebook.

“So tonight, I’m ready to be the absolutely best dose I know how to be. We’re talking a ‘get me the manager’, ‘that food’s half-raw’, meal at half-price AND a gift card for my troubles extravaganza. Erica is back, baby!”.

Restaurant staff who see Malone coming tonight are being made aware that a tip is unlikely, so get the spit ready.