Sinn Féin To Review Policy Of Letting Any Head The Ball Join Party


CAPPING off a year which has seen its members proclaim anti-vaccine stances, air misogynist and xenophobic comments, and glorify terrorism just a handful of dozens of times, Sinn Féin has announced its intention to review its admittance process for new members.

“If a TD has a go at the gays, Chinese, Nigerians, Brazilians, Muslims, Jews, you have to hold your hands up and say ‘who are these fucking loopers and why do we keep putting them forward’,” accepted a SF spokesperson.

The entry requirements which are now up for review currently consist of new members tasked with ticking ‘yes’ on a box next to ‘are you Sinn Féin in the membrane?’

“When some of your TD’s Twitter accounts read like passages rejected from a Beginners Guide To Discrimination for being too controversial, it’s rethink time. But c’mon, who on God’s green flat Earth can say their own party hasn’t a few fringe oddballs?”.

However, there is disquiet within the party as some claimed the new policy would reduce the party’s number to just Mary Lou McDonald, Pearse Doherty and Eoin Ó Broin.

“Now I know we give Fine Gael a hard time for always blaming us for everything, no matter what it is, but we’re cashing in our ‘this is a Fine Gael distraction tactic’ voucher today,” shared one party member, stating that all head the balls were Fine Gael plants.

Members proclaiming ‘up the RA’ at any time will still be covered by the stock Sinn Féin excuse of ‘actually they were just singing the Ra-Ra-Rasputin part of that Boney M song’.