Tampons: How Essential Are They?


AS Level 5 restrictions continue to keep the nation in a state of confusion as to what shops should and shouldn’t remain open, WWN takes an in-depth look at what products should remain on sale, and what products should be covered over with a tarp in stores to prevent people from even attempting to leave their house to buy them.

Feminine Hygiene products

Figures from the CSO state clearly that while everyone drinks milk, not everyone uses tampons. Having them on sale in stores is just asking 50% of the population to leave their homes on an unnecessary journey. We’re already a week into a six-week lockdown so ladies, if you’ve timed this right, you shouldn’t need to restock your stash of pads and things until the shops re-open in December. You’ll be grand, sit down.

Bench saws

For many men around the country, lockdown has had a tremendous negative impact on their mental health and as such, many have thrown themselves into DIY projects to pass the time. It is imperative that tools and equipment should be freely available to anyone who feels like having a go at fixing that utility room shelf during lockdown.


How many bras does a person need, really? Five, six at the most? The bras you have right now are grand, don’t be putting yourself and others at risk by going bra shopping in the middle of a pandemic. Shut all bra shops, and cover any bras on sale in Tesco with a load of taped-together binbags.

Playstation 5

Have you seen that new Spider-Man game? God. Damn. Holy crap, that thing looks amazing. An essential purchase, surely, and one that will cause riots if the government do anything to halt the sale of.

Folic acid

We’re not sure what this is but we’re confident you don’t really need it right now. What? It’s for babies in the womb? The kid’s not even born yet, call us in six months when he lands and we’ll give him all the folic acid he can carry. Until then, folic acid should be click and collect only, and only if you’re swinging round by Currys to get a few USB keys to stick movies on while you’re at it.