Local Woman Choosing Supermarket Based On Quality Of Hand Sanitiser At Door


WATERFORD mother-of-three Carol Doolin would have never considered herself a connoisseur of alcohol-based hand-sanitising products in the pre-COVID era, but these days she openly admits avoiding shops that have sub-par sanitiser on offer.

“Avoid Super Valu, they’ve got that horrible greasy stuff that smells like diesel” Doolin advised her friends on their weekly Hand Sanitiser Enthusiasts meet-up on Zoom.

“My hands were sliding around the trolley, I could barely pick up a 2l of milk without dropping it. Now Aldi on the outside of town, they’ve got a wonderful fast-drying one with quite a mild fragrance… one might even detect a hint of Aloe in there. Very nice!”.

Doolin’s enjoyment (or lack thereof) of the safety measures on offer at the front of each supermarket in Waterford is a testament to her ability to adapt to every situation, and find things to complain about in every scenario.

“I’d be more worried about the recent spike in Coronavirus cases if I were to stop and think about them, but luckily I’m too busy leaving comments on the Dunne’s Facebook page about how their automatic dispensers only give out a miserable little squirt of sanitiser” beamed Doolin, typing away on her phone.

“That’s how we’ll make it through this crisis. Micro-aggressions against everyone we can find, and criticising the best efforts of everyone around us. Remember; if everyone else is doing poorly, then you must be doing good. It’s just science!”

UPDATE: Doolin has stopped using hand sanitiser altogether after a friend told her about a post on Facebook that suggests its all just a scam to sell E45 cream.