Taoiseach Worried Rise In Cases May Mean Country In Need Of Strong Leadership


“FECK, feck, feck, feck. Feck it altogether,” steamed a normally mild-mannered Taoiseach Micheál Martin while staring at the steady increase in Covid-19 cases in Ireland these past two weeks.

Having previously expressed his ‘deep concern’ for the rise in cases, the Taoiseach was now expressing his ‘what’s deeper than deep?’ deep concerns about the fact it would be down to him to provide the sort of leadership needed to navigate through the ongoing crisis.

“Fianna Fáil can do ramshackle, we can lunge from one crisis to another, leaving scorched earth and a dozen tribunals in our wake. You want more cock ups than a Viagra convention? This is the party of government for you. But actual leadership that serves the people well? Yeah that’s not us,” one FF insider offered.

With the increase occurring as schools are set to open in the coming weeks, pressure to offer reprieve for a crippled pub trade builds, and questions linger over the treatment of human beings in meat factories and Direct Provision centres, Martin couldn’t shake the thought that Ireland might be better served by having a government that doesn’t serve up a constant stream of convoluted incompetencies like they were substantial meals in a pub.

“Oh Christ, a long term vision required to turn the country around needed, this has ‘Not Fianna Fáil’ written all over it,” added a worried Martin, who began desperately looking around the room for help.

“Well don’t bloody look at us,” responded Eamon Ryan and Leo Varadkar, who admitted ‘trying to get strong leadership from any of us is like trying to catch a fart in a jar; at best all you’ll get is some hot air’.