ENLISTING the help of rebranding supremos at Pivot Marketing, the ailing Fianna Fáil party, plagued by infighting, media leaks and a rumoured leadership heave, is to rebrand itself in a bid for renewed support. “The brand isn’t toxic, Chernobyl was toxic. This is much worse folks, Chernobyl didn’t have Barry Cowen, Stephen Donnelly and Marc… Read more »
HIS mouth resting mere inches from the microphone Taoiseach Micheál Martin delivered an iconic speech that unified the nation in a call-to-action in the collective national interest, in front of a rapt audience with patriotic tears of pride falling down their cheeks, all moments before he woke up in his bed. Disappointed to find himself… Read more »
“FECK, feck, feck, feck. Feck it altogether,” steamed a normally mild-mannered Taoiseach Micheál Martin while staring at the steady increase in Covid-19 cases in Ireland these past two weeks. Having previously expressed his ‘deep concern’ for the rise in cases, the Taoiseach was now expressing his ‘what’s deeper than deep?’ deep concerns about the fact… Read more »
AN EXUBERANT and full-of-beans new Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien has been told to ‘woah up there, pal’ by key players in the housing market, after expressing some nonsense about fixing the rental market and building affordable homes. “I mean, you have to admire his attitude” smiled one property developer, who hasn’t been investing in… Read more »
THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
AS THE Green Party were being roundly mocked for having Hulk actor and activist Mark Ruffalo participate in a Zoom call with the party, urging members to back the coalition programme for government, Fianna Fáil members were also busy on Zoom hearing from a famous name in the world of villainy. Worried Fianna Fáil party… Read more »
AS HE AWAITS the members of Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party to vote and rubber stamp entering into a three-way coalition government, Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin is to spend the morning in a trance like state saying ‘Taoiseach Martin’ in a variety of tones and intonations, over and over again. “T’seach… Read more »
WITH FIANNA FÁIL returning to power now has never been a better time to reacquaint yourself with what the party is most famous for; participating in and abetting rampant corruption. Because ‘times have changed’ and ‘the old guard is gone’, WWN’s lawyers have suggested we say something like “we’re in no way suggesting that such… Read more »
THE UNPRECEDENTED reality of the old rival civil war parties of Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil coming together in coalition with the Green Party has led to a sceptical Irish public giving it a week before it all kicks off and resembles a 4am fight in the queue for a kebab in Temple Bar. Relationship… Read more »
WITH a programme for government set to be discussed by Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party on Thursday, WWN has gained unprecedented access to potential future policies, ‘red lines’ and inter-party disagreements. Just what will eco-friendly austerity and brown hemp envelopes involve? Ryan, trying to avoid a repeat of 2008 when The Green… Read more »