THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
AS THE Green Party were being roundly mocked for having Hulk actor and activist Mark Ruffalo participate in a Zoom call with the party, urging members to back the coalition programme for government, Fianna Fáil members were also busy on Zoom hearing from a famous name in the world of villainy. Worried Fianna Fáil party… Read more »
AS HE AWAITS the members of Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party to vote and rubber stamp entering into a three-way coalition government, Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin is to spend the morning in a trance like state saying ‘Taoiseach Martin’ in a variety of tones and intonations, over and over again. “T’seach… Read more »
WITH FIANNA FÁIL returning to power now has never been a better time to reacquaint yourself with what the party is most famous for; participating in and abetting rampant corruption. Because ‘times have changed’ and ‘the old guard is gone’, WWN’s lawyers have suggested we say something like “we’re in no way suggesting that such… Read more »
THE UNPRECEDENTED reality of the old rival civil war parties of Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil coming together in coalition with the Green Party has led to a sceptical Irish public giving it a week before it all kicks off and resembles a 4am fight in the queue for a kebab in Temple Bar. Relationship… Read more »
WITH a programme for government set to be discussed by Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party on Thursday, WWN has gained unprecedented access to potential future policies, ‘red lines’ and inter-party disagreements. Just what will eco-friendly austerity and brown hemp envelopes involve? Ryan, trying to avoid a repeat of 2008 when The Green… Read more »
AS THE leaders of Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and the Green Party meet today to discuss potentially forming a three-party government, the smallest of the three parties, the Green Party, have named their price. “It’s the obvious solution,” confirmed friend of wolves and Green Party leader, Eamon Ryan, as he discussed his party’s ‘red lines’… Read more »
WHERE IT’S coming from remains unclear. Is it thundering from the clouds above? Being piped through the sewers via a speaker system directly from Hell? Or is it just your mind playing tricks on you? The Irish public has many questions regarding where exactly the satanic flourishes of the iconic ‘Ave Santini’ song from The… Read more »
TAKING EVERY necessary precaution during nascent government coalition talks with Fianna Fáil, Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald is currently being placed in a highly secure hazmat suit, to give her a fighting chance against catching the devastating Fiannafáilvirus. Such is the panic and paranoia around the all-consuming infection, the phone with which McDonald used… Read more »
Name: Micheál Martin Age: Old enough to know better. Party: The one that, during the Referendum to Repeal the 8th Amendment, had half of its TDs actively campaigning for a No vote. Superpower: Has family that can be traced all the way back to the lads who shot Michael Collins. Favourite inspirational quote: “The only… Read more »