Taoiseach Delivers Rousing Speech That Unifies The Nation Right Before Waking Up


HIS mouth resting mere inches from the microphone Taoiseach Micheál Martin delivered an iconic speech that unified the nation in a call-to-action in the collective national interest, in front of a rapt audience with patriotic tears of pride falling down their cheeks, all moments before he woke up in his bed.

Disappointed to find himself the victim of a vivid dream amidst rapid eye movement during sleep, Martin quickly shut his eyes tightly in the vain hope that he could force himself back into the already departed dream.

“He’s always sharing ‘I had this weird dream last night’ stories, y’know the ones where it’s you, but you’re completely different – doing something you’ve never done before or doing something you’re not remotely capable of; in Micheál’s case delivering a clear message which the public can get behind,” shared one Fianna Fáil colleague of the Taoiseach’s near nightly dreams of being competent.

“I’m more a dream I’m married to Charlize Theron type myself, but Micheál seems to have a wilder imagination that dreams up truly fanciful stuff like him not having all the charisma of a damp grey cloth,” added the colleague of his party leader, who would fail to sell a life jacket to a drowning man.

Still caught up in trying to access his lost dream, Martin, the Eurosaver Jack Lynch, tried to reach the far recesses of his mind where the articulate, forceful and proactive Dream Martin must live.

“It is incumbent on you as my imagined version of myself to… to… to, tell the people if wouldn’t be pertinent or realistic to eh, eh,” begged Martin before putting himself and his dream self back to sleep.