Archaeologists Discover Fuck All


A TEAM of Waterford based archaeologists excavating what was believed to be a stone age settlement in Portlaw have stated that they’ve discovered ‘fuck all’ over the past several weeks and have kindly asked the press to leave them alone.

The site, which was earmarked as a possible treasure trove for ancient finds, was deemed a complete shambles by the team who requested once again for local newspapers to stop covering their dig.

“Look, just fuck off out of here or I’ll stick this trowel up your hole,” lead archaeologist Professor James Hewitt told WWN, obviously upset with his team’s incompetence and his own blatant failings as a team leader, “seriously, get that microphone out of my face. There’s nothing here, okay? Are you happy now?”

Investigating further as to why the well paid archaeologists have not even found one item of any significance, Prof. Hewitt blamed everyone else but himself, sounding dangerously like a two-faced little whinger who probably learned everything he knows from a YouTube tutorial in archaeology and hasn’t a bloody clue.

“Don’t you dare write that,” insisted mister I-couldn’t-find-a-portal-dolmen-if-it-was-stuck-to-the-end-of-my-nose, “my career is on the line here and what you’re saying is slander of the highest order, finding things take time”.

Citing some bullshit about how the initial geophysical data may be incorrect, Hewitt stormed off the site in a huff like the complete loser he is, proving once and for all that he is the worst archaeologist this country has ever seen and should probably take up something a little less complicated.