Hotel Prices Increase Overnight To Whatever Amount The Staycation Scheme Is

ALL HOTELS and empty bins now described as ‘unique staycation options’ have upped their prices to whatever amount the government staycation tax rebate people will avail of, a move described as a complete coincidence by all involved.

Part of the government’s efforts to place the economy on a back up generator running on fumes, the staycation rebate was just one of a suite of measures designed to get cash flowing, protect jobs and support industries crippled by economic fallout from the Covid-19 pandemic.

“So first thing’s first you’re welcome. We figured making the rebate only kick into action a month after kids are meant to be back in school in October, a famous Summer Holiday month, was the sensible decision,” confirmed the government’s Junior Minister for Not Thinking Things Through.

“Look people can criticise the staycation stuff, but Leitrim is line to get its first tourist since 1997, so it’s big stuff, and even that last guy only ended up there after getting lost,” added the Minister.

The staycation rebate scheme has already had a positive effect as, seemingly drunk on the news, the nation’s families all piled into their cars this morning and jammed themselves into a single caravan park in Wexford.

“I mean I can barely feed myself and my family, but yeah sure, this bullshit that I don’t qualify for is just the ticket,” confirmed one stressed out-of-work parent.

Asked whether it had more information on schools reopening safely, more supports for healthcare workers or just more stupid buzzword-based gimmicks, a government spokesperson tried to hide a large billboard with just the words ‘Econo-me? Econo-you? Econo-we!’ written on it while responding “oh shit yeah that stuff, eh, just give us a minute hang on”.