Outrage As Cork Left Off Government’s Travel ‘Green List’

TO THE SIGNIFICANT relief of many and outrage of those from Cork, the Rebel County has failed to make the cut of 15 ‘green list’ countries given the go ahead by the government as ‘safe for travel’.

“It’s not even for Covid-19 related reasons, we’re just doing you all a massive favour by not including it,” confirmed one travel and reluctant Cork expert, who has braced himself for volleys of abuse from Cork obsessed Cork natives who feel the county has every right to appear on the list alongside 15 other countries.

“We didn’t take this decision solely by ourselves,” offered one health expert tasked with drawing up the list, “the input from anyone we spoke to insisted Cork was a fate worse than death”.

Cork’s omission was an extremely close call as members of the public consulted baulked at the inclusion of Greenland stating “d’fuck sort of holiday would ya be getting in Greenland at all?” before immediately changing their tune when realising Cork was the alternative.

“We’re so glad to finally clear up the uncertainty, these are the 15 countries you can go to but we’re very clearly saying you absolutely shouldn’t go to unless it’s essential. And again, holidays don’t match ‘essential’. Anyway, enjoy traveling to those 15 countries for your holidays, which again, we’ve said you shouldn’t go on. Safe travels,” confirmed a government spokesperson, absolutely nailing the whole clear and concise communications thing.

While the 14-day quarantine advice will be lifted for the 15 green list countries, a lifetime quarantine remains in place for anyone who has set foot in Cork.