Want Travel Advice? Try Our Random Government Advice Generator

WITH the government again delaying their ‘green list’ of safe countries to fly abroad to during a global pandemic, many weary prospective holiday goers crave clear guidance on travel that isn’t ‘obviously don’t do it’.

Using the latest science WWN Travel plugged a USB stick doused in hand santiser into the new Dáil Printer, cranked a thousand volts into it and screamed “it’s alive!” thus generating the sort of advice the government sorely needs to deliver to its citizens. Read on to find out what simple advice the printer spat out:

Do not travel abroad for a holiday during a pandemic, it really is simple as that. You shouldn’t need someone banning you from doing so to come to this startlingly obvious realisation.

Travelers must include a substantial meal in their carry on luggage to protect themselves from the Covid-19.

The government has advised all airlines to leave the windows open during the flight to ‘air the plane’.

Mirroring the sort of clear guidance heard from the government on masks up until this point, masks must be worn four months after your holiday.

Flying = OK. Funerals = OK. Flying to a funeral = Not OK. Clear?

Dads wearing socks and sandals on the beach remain immune from Covid-19.

Travelers leaving Ireland can only visit green listed countries that they’re not advised to travel to.

Returning/Arriving in from the US? Sorry mandatory 14-day quarantine. It’s non-negotiable. Now head to Temple Bar where authorities will assign you your pub for the next two weeks.

Unhappy with mandatory 14-day quarantine when you arrive into Ireland? Authorities are making it easier on people and to cheer them up will allow 50 of your closest friends to join you. Why not make a party out of it.

€14.99 return from Spain? Sure you’d feckin’ take dying from Covid-19 when it’s that cheap, wouldn’t you?

Learn the difference between the words ‘necessary’ and ‘unnecessary’. ‘Necessary’ means ‘I’m dying for a bit of sun so I’m going’ whereas ‘unnecessary’ as a word among Irish holiday goers doesn’t exist.

The constantly changing rules may leave you stranded in an airport like Tom Hanks in that movie. But he seemed to do alright out of it so what’s the harm?

Posting an image of yourself supping a pre-flight pint may result in you being barred from re-entering the country, on twat grounds alone.