Fine Gael’s Master Plan Of Letting Fianna Fáil & Greens Make Fools Of Themselves Going Better Than Expected


MACHIAVELLIAN political masterminds Fine Gael are quietly celebrating another recent rise in the opinion polls as their sly plan to leave Fianna Fáil and Green Party alone to be themselves is already going spectacularly well for the party.

“I don’t think we could have planned this better if we dropped sleeping pills in Eamon Ryan’s herbal tea or dropped more alcohol into Barry Cowen’s alcohol ourselves,” admitted former-soon-to-be-again Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, who along with party colleagues knew very well how poorly this coalition would function but not so quickly and so in their favour.

“Imagine voluntarily agreeing to take over health and housing? That’s what they did, no really, we didn’t even trick them,” scoffed another FG member, who refused to take any credit for his coalition rivals’ ineptitude.

In a bid to safeguard themselves from any residual criticism or ill feeling from the public, Fine Gael TDs have taken a class in shrugging and tutting, as well as hiring a team of writers for lines such as ‘that’s somewhat unavoidable when you have a tumultuous new coalition such as the one we have at the minute’.

And for now, they remain unfazed by the renewed disgust at how victims of the CervicalCheck scandal were treated during Fine Gael’s tenure as majority partner in government and continue to be in the wake of the passing of CervicalCheck campaigner Ruth Morrissey.

“Watch Fianna Fáil and the Greens here, they’re bound to do something stupid any minute now to take the heat off, any minute now,” shared one Fine Gael TD, beginning to seriously sweat.