All Your Face Mask Questions Answered By Bane

WITH governments all around the world struggling to present a cohesive manifesto on the wearing of face masks as a preventative measure in the fight against Covid-19, WWN turned to avid mask wearer and lethal mercenary Bane for answers.

Here’s what Gotham’s reckoning had to say to the most common mask-myths out there:

“Wearing a mask doesn’t stop you from getting Covid-19”

My dear child, how innocent of you to think in such black and white terms. It is true that the mask does not stop you from getting the disease but one must ask oneself; is that the point of the mask? You wear the mask to keep others healthy, not just yourself. Just as I wear my mask to let people know that crossing me would be very detrimental to their well-being”.

“My oxygen levels will fall if I’m breathing through a mask”

You know nothing of mask wearing. For you, you merely need to put on a mask while going into the shops for your provisions; eggs, toilet rolls, maybe even some flour to bake a nice batch of banana bread. But me, I wear the mask all the time. And my oxygen levels are blinding!”

“If I don’t have Covid-19, I don’t have to wear a mask”

You speak like a young man. Admirable, but mistaken. And also, full of shite.

“Breathing through a mask actually increases your chances of getting sick”

Your ignorance has made you brave enough to voice only the weakest of opinions. Nobody cared about me until I put on the mask. Then they look at me and say; look at the man in the mask. That’s odd. Not something you see every day. But for you, it is far easier. Everyone is wearing masks. Nobody is going to laugh at you if you wear a mask. In fact it is the opposite; they only care if you’re not wearing a mask. Wear a mask, dickhead.

[Editor’s note] You did not need to read this article in Bane’s voice.