US Tourists To Be Quarantined In Carrolls Gift Shop For 2 Weeks


AFTER being pressured to halt flights from Covid-19 hotspot America, the Irish government has compromised by locking all incoming US tourists into a hermetically sealed Carrolls gift shop to quarantine, informing them ‘this is Ireland’ before sending them back home after 14 days.

“Bless them, they don’t know the difference,” confirmed one Dept. of Tourism official as he helped hazmat suit-clad Carrolls staff members frantically restock Guinness and Leprechaun themed products for a freshly landed Dallas to Dublin flight.

Initially the government seemed content with taking a US-military-warplanes-into-Shannon-attitude by pretending packed flights of American tourists looking to reconnect with all of their 54th cousins twice removed simply didn’t exist, but this changes from today.

“What a beautiful country you have, so much green,” one non-mask wearing US tourist dry-coughed to a cardboard cut out of Liam Neeson at the end of one aisle.

“I love your accent, you know I’m actually 50% Covid-19 myself, it goes back through all my family for generations all because I went to Disneyland yesterday to try the new ‘The Big Spreader’ rollercoaster,” added the tourist, before making her way to the counter to contribute $1.4 million to the Irish economy by buying 400 fridge magnets and key rings.

One official explained the reason for the government reversing its decision to put US tourist dollars over Irish hospitals and their staff.

“Look it, I was all for the Blarney Stone becoming the number one killer of US tourists, but after the Cliffs of Moher contracted Covid-19 from one of these eejits, I knew we couldn’t take the risk,” explained a tourism official.