WHILE writing tell-all books about Donald Trump is now the number one form of employment in the United States, could ‘Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man’ by Trump’s niece Mary Trump be the book, just like the 100s before it, that proves to be the very thing to bring the Trump White House crashing down to the point where everything carries on as normal and continuing to get worse?
WWN has obtained a leaked copy of the book and can reveal all the shocking claims so you can judge for yourself:
Mary Trump claims that a traumatic childhood incident saw Donald Trump’s father, Fred Trump, give the president millions and millions in cash.
It’s claimed Trump pees sitting down and mispronounced the word elephant as ‘e-lep-a-pant’ up until the age of 49.
Mary reveals Trump paid someone else to sit his SATs, echoing incidents in other books of Trump paying people such as Stormy Daniels being hired by Trump to fake Melania Trump’s orgasms.
Keenly aware that you aren’t born racist, it’s something you learn, Fred Trump made sure Donald learned how to be racist from an early age, providing his son with flashcards filled with only the most offensive terms for minorities written on them.
Mary also claims Trump still makes weekly trips to his father’s grave and dry humps the soil while whimpering ‘I just wanted a hug Dad, just one hug’.
A qualified psychologist, Trump’s niece alleges the president cannot experience a full spectrum of emotions and can only achieve happiness when eating a packet Skittles and watching ‘Epic Failz’ compilation videos on YouTube.
In what will surely go down as one of the most shocking passages in the history of the published world, Trump’s niece makes the astonishing claim that the 45th president of the United States is a real piece of shit.
The president has claimed Mary was motivated to write the ‘fictitious book’ purely for ‘her own financial gain’ which is an astonishing accusation to make by a person named Donald Trump.
In between the usual claims of Trump being a rampant narcissist who thinks only of himself, Mary relays a tender story she heard from her father about Trump; when he was 12, the president found a litter of orphaned kittens by the side of the road and when he realised they were helpless and couldn’t fend for themselves the young Trump gathered them up, placed them in a black sack with bricks and drowned them in a nearby river empathically saving them from a life of misery.
Trump didn’t have a childhood of constant privilege, one passage in the book notes that once when he was 12, Trump endured the injustice of a member of the help failing to pre-warm his favourite spot on one of the 10 sofas in the family sitting room.
Responding to Mary’s claims that he has a fragile ego Trump responded with “no I don’t, who said that? We need to find out who said that. I’m not fragile. I’m strong, hey, did you hear that? I’m strong! No I’m not crying, you are!”