Interfering Bastards At EU Says Irish Government Should Tackle Problems In Health, Housing & Inequality To Fuel Recovery

AS A potential €500 billion economic recovery fund is being proposed by Germany and France to help EU countries bounce back from the Covid-19 pandemic, the interfering bastards at the EU have dealt Irish political parties a severe blow after stating Ireland shouldn’t make cuts in vital areas that hammer ordinary citizens.

Instead, those meddling pricks with fancy accents have suggested the Irish government tackle tax avoidance and money laundering as well as investing in the building of something called ‘homes’, reduce emissions and fund research while improving broadband.

“Cut off the internet now, we can’t let this sort of shite get through to the Irish public,” confirmed a panicked member of the Irish state’s Yum, Lovely Austerity Unit.

“Bollocks we had such beautiful plans,” the now crying YLAU member said, staring at a white board with terms like ‘double the price of free university fees again’, ‘cut dole for under-25s’, ‘reduce paternity cover’, and ‘941 different stealth taxes’ written on it.

“Get me 40 economists on RTÉ news with ‘we have to pay for all of us this somehow’ stat! Shut down and update the Taoiseach so his ‘scum welfare cheats, cheat us all’ mode is working again. Brexit, Brexit, Brexit,” he barked, now in crisis mode.

The news that at the highest levels of the EU, there is support for the ending of inequality in Ireland through strategic planning and investment has been met with criticism from those that are sick to death of unelected EU bureaucrats trying to take over our lives.

“Typical EU fuckers, trying to milk the Irish people for all they have, imposing cuts and tax increases… oh, wait, wait, they’re on our side this time? This feels weird,” shared one apologetic Irish person, who can’t help having that defensive reflex after the bank bailout.