Ryanair To Refund Everyone In Pennies

RYANAIR chief Michael O’Leary is said to be determined to ‘have the last laugh’ when it comes to Covid-19 refunds, by vengefully sending out any owed monies to customers in the form of sackfuls of 1c and 2c coins.

The coins will be couriered out to the waiting customers after an EU ruling that stated that airlines must give refunds in the form of refunds, and that vouchers or offering to change flights for free was not an acceptable form of compensation, much to the fury of the Ryanair boss.

“You want your poxy €47 euro back for a flight to Tenerife, you can have it” fumed O’Leary, standing hip-deep in a pool of mixed copper coins, shoveling them into sacks.

“1c coins and 2c coins, all mixed together, to the exact amount you’re owed. You’ll never say that Ryanair didn’t give you back every penny you were owed, and I hope to God you have time to sort this out and spend it. Buy a sandwich you pricks, I hope it gives you the shits”.

Although Ryanair have admitted defeat and begun sending out refunds in tipper trailers, many other airlines are sticking to their guns and fervently denying to offer anything except assurances that everything will ‘work out grand’.

“Guys, guys, you’re all acting out of passion right now, and we understand that. But we’ve done your thinking for you and the sensible thing to do is just let us keep your money” said a spokesperson for Aer Lingus.

“But hey, if you do want it back, why don’t you go ahead and take a read of those 27 pages of terms and conditions that you clicked ‘agree’ to when you were in such a hurry to book your weekend break to Edinburgh, and then get back to us and tell us what we owe you. Yeah, that’s right, thought so. Get fucked”.